Just when you think you have seen everything...

I thought I had seen everything but I was dead wrong! Someone actually took the time to think about and invent POOP FREEZE! WTF!?

According to their commercial, it is for when your dog has loose stools so it is easier to pick them up. “Frost and Toss” according to their web site. Your dog now has poopsicles. So do we have to put a stick in it to pick it up?

If you order a can of Poop Freeze they also send you a handy dandy carry case. So you can hide your can so your neighbors don’t laugh at you when you are spraying. Now if you are trying to hide that you have the can, why does it have the logo on it? Did they not think of this? You can’t hide what it really is because it is called Poop Freeze. You have to be dumber than a box rocks not to figure out what it is.

Um, I have a better idea. Just let your dog poop in your neighbor’s yard. Duh!

Jell-O anyone?

Before I start this wonderful story, let me just say for the record that I love my kids. No, I really do. Times like this are when I know the reason why some animals eat their young.
Sunday mornings are for sleeping in and relaxing, right? You wake up to the sound of birds singing. In a perfect world it would be, but my world is far from perfect.

My day started instead with waking up to the sounds of my two beautiful demon spawn children fighting. Since this is pretty regular at my house I thought nothing of it. I just figured after my first cup of coffee I could fix whatever problem there was.

In my kitchen were my two children mixing what looked like yellow water in the biggest GLASS bowl I own (over 2 qrts). They were fighting over who got the wooden spoon to stir this yellow goop. Once they saw me the fighting stopped. Well, for about 5 seconds that is.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask (remember I haven't had my coffee yet)

"We are making Jell-O mom." My son answers like I should know. Alrighty.

I make it to the coffee machine and press the on button. I turn around and see that they are adding ice cubes. Now I know that this so called Jell-O is not going to work so I just walk away and let the dogs out since no one else thought of it!

I come back in the kitchen to wait for the coffee to finish. According to the kids the Jell-O is ready to go into the fridge. Can anyone see where this is going?? You got it. My son opens the fridge door, which is a smart move by the way, and picks up the glass bowl to walk to the fridge. He gets to the front of the fridge and goes to lift it to a rack. This move of course makes the Jell-O pour over the side of the bowl onto the front of him. It also pours over the shelves of the fridge and onto the floor. Did I mention that there was a lake of Jell-O on the counter too?

"Sorry mom." He says with that look because he knows that he did really really bad.

He backs up and then tries AGAIN! Yup, the same thing happens. This I guess registers and he takes the bowl back to the counter. Smart move there buddy.

I am still at the counter still waiting for my coffee. I guess it didn't dawnon me or I just didn't care because I took a coffee cup out of the cabinet and poured myself a cup. Of course I had to walk the obstacle course which was my floor to get milk out for my coffee. Did you know that Jell-o is really slippery? Learn something new every day,huh?

On my way to the couch I yell back to my son, "You are so cleaning that up." So I sat on my couch and drank my coffee while they cleaned up the mess on the counters and the floors.
While they are cleaning the kitchen my husband calls to check up on the kids. He asks what they are doing and he probably expected the usual answer. Little did he know, huh? I just told him nothing and finished my coffee after I hung up. They didn't do a great job but they cleaned up most of it. I just went back over it later.

I love my Mr. Potato Head

Why is it that every time I think an actor, singer, hockey player (Dan Cleary), Mike Rowe (of course he is a whiner now) and any other attractive man, Jerry says he likes boys?

Every time I think a man is attractive, my husband assumes he is gay. Is it because he is jealous or insecure? It’s not like I am ever going to meet any of these people. I would love to but it is pretty unlikely in my neck of the woods.

Whenever the subject of Michael Buble’ comes up my husband has his comment ready. “He likes boys.” Why? Even Michael Buble’s girlfriend (yes, he has a girlfriend) says that he reminds her of a potato. A potato people!

Now Mike Rowe and his Dirty Job show really don’t seem likely either. He is a pretty big whiner though. Isn’t part of his show getting dirty? Suck it up Mike.

This one really bugs me and I think he says it because I have a crush on Cleary. I sound so high school, huh? He is a hockey player that is 6ft and weighs over 200 pounds. This man is hot! *fanning self*

I have him as my background on MySpace. I have his picture as my background on my computer. I rewind when he is on TV playing. I make everyone be quiet when is talking in an interview. Geez! I sound like a stalker not a fan. I wonder if there is a restraining order on me somewhere. *making note to look that up on the net*

So is it the fact that I think they are attractive or is he jealous? I would never leave him for a potato, whiner or even a hot hockey player. Well, the hockey player one I would have to think about, but more than likely I wouldn’t. At least I don’t think I would. What!? Have you seen him?

So if Jerry is wondering, I love my own Mr. Potato Head.

Ebooks vs books

I hate change! I have been trying very hard not to look at the new eBooks. I like my books made out of paper. I like to turn the pages. I like to smell the paper and that is why I love going to a book store. You can’t do that with an eBook.

After fighting it for what seems like years, I caved in and tried it. I had so many people telling me how great it was. I thought I will try this and tell everyone that I hated it just like I knew I would.

Now a month later I belong to one of those eBooks sites. Okay, I belong to 4! I have bought a few books and also some free short novels. Yup you read that correctly. I am now addicted to not only paper books but also eBooks. Just shoot me now.

Some of the benefits are that it easier to keep your place in the book. You just press a button and when you come back later you start where you left off. You can also buy your book on line and never have to leave and drive to the book store. You press a button and you got a book. They take up less space. The best part of eBooks is that you can hide them better from your husband. He will never know how bad my addiction is now! *evil laugh*

The negatives of an eBook are pretty small. They don’t smell like my books that I usually get. I only have a lap top so I have to sit it on a pillow over my lap so I can read it. That is about it. Cool, huh?

Well the other day I get an email from one of the sites about their new books, ya da ya da. I scroll down just scanning. Well lookie there it’s a coupon. Oh I love them there coupons so I click on it. Oh a favorite author of mine, great! Normally the book is 14.00 now only 9.00. Coolness! Scrolling down a bit and WOW a coupon to get the book for FREE! Yes FREE! Hell ya I clicked on it!

Sadly a few hours later I was still trying to download that freakin thing. It was for Adobe not Microsoft like I normally use. I went and downloaded the adobe it needed since mine didn't work to get it to open. I tried again and still nothing. I delete and go back to see if I might have done it wrong, you know user error? Shooosh!

A few hours later and I still have nothing. Okay I am at the point of where the thought of looking stupid is not even relative anymore. I email the site and ask WTH!? Well, in a nice way. You get more flies with honey instead of vinegar.

She emails me back asking if I activated it yet? Huh? Uh, no. Where the hell do I do that? So what do I do? Yup, I delete and try yet again. Third time is the charm, right? Hell no!

By this time I am seriously getting pissed off. I am ready to say screw it and just buy the book at the store. They don't make you download it first. Bless their hearts.

Well in the previous email she had a link. I had already clicked on it and read it. It only verified what I had already tried. I hit the button to go back to the top. This is where they have Q&A. "Since Adobe has 8.1.2 now, should we download it for eBook?" Someone asks. Answer? No, stick with the 6.0 or 7.0. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

So I delete it AGAIN. Download the correct one and wallah! I can activate it now. I follow the instructions and guess what? The book appears out of the mist and onto my screen. I know I know so dramatic. I was in tears people over a eBook.

All I can say is that this book better be good or I will scream. No, I am not bitter. I am just a woman on the edge because they wouldn’t give me my freakin book.

Did I mention that last week my computer crashed and I lost everything? Yup, I lost everything. Luckily for me the website I had used keeps a library for you just for these circumstances. Way cool! Check them out. http://allromanceebooks.com/

It is a little after 10 and I am finally able to take a breath today. Who ever thought up the rules to enroll a small child into kindergarten should be tied up by their ankles and beaten with a rubber hose.

It started yesterday when I went through my sons backpack. He had a paper saying it was enrollment time for kindergarten. I was excited because now I can get my daughter into school and possibly get my sanity back.

So I go and look in my files which consist of stacks and stacks of papers. I keep everything but have no time to file most of it. An hour later I have her shot records from when we lived in California. I also found the paperwork to order her birth certificate. Now she was born in 2003, according to Ca starting in 2003 you have to have the request forms signed by a notary and then you mail them in. I think no problem. Another hour later and a call to my mother we figure out the correct web site and place the order. Now I need to find a notary.

Today my list of things to get done in order to enroll her was pretty long but I can do it. How hard can it be right? Well, pretty hard actually. Why you ask? First we had a doctor appointment for my son which took two hours. After that we drove to the Department of Health. I cringed at the thought of walking into the building. I begged my kids not to drive mommy nuts inside and to my surprise, they listened. *reminder* Need to check if aliens or dingo took my babies.

While we were there for what seemed all day but was actually only two hours or so, my daughter who is so NOT shy, made a few friends. She sure didn’t get that shy gene from me.

I find out that she needs to get four shots before they can transfer her shot records from Ca to Florida. Without those, I have wasted my time. We get into the room and sit down. Right across the way on the small table are needles all set to go. I can feel my daughter tense on my lap. I explain to her that in order for her to go to school and make friends like she wants, she needs to get shots. For some reason she doesn’t fall for it. Go figure.

The nurse was wonderful, bless her heart. She really and truly tried. Megan felt the tip of the needles and jerked out of my arms. She ended up with a long scratch on the arm and screamed like we were beating her. That was the one and only try. The paper work that was all filled out and ready for the school and my records went into the shredder. I wanted to cry.

On the bright side, I got her paperwork notarized. I think we were in the bank for maybe five minutes. Five freakin minutes!

So now I have an appointment on Friday to get her shots done, crossing fingers. This time I am bringing the big guns. Daddy is coming and I am making him be the bad guy. It will suck to be him for a change.

Did I mention that I had to do Target and Walmart afterwards? To celebrate we went to Starbucks. No they didn’t get caffeine in theirs. Do I look like an idiot? Shut up Mickie! lol

I be twisted

I am currently trying to write a paranormal book. I love reading them but have never tried to write one. So when it came time to actually sit and write one, I was a bit nervous. I take that back. I was very nervous.

I started with the names and that went pretty well considering that nothing looked right. Finally they had names and I was able to see them in my mind. This sometimes helps. LOL

I am writing whenever I get a chance, which isn’t as often as I would like. I throw my ipod on and blast my music. The only music that seems to help is heavy metal. Godsmack, Audioslave and stuff like that. Hey, if it works, don’t break it.

So yesterday I am getting to the part where the bad guy makes his move. He is really nasty looking to me and I wonder what kind of sick and twisted things he is going to do. I didn’t think I would be able to think of anything really good. Come to find out, I am pretty twisted.

I am thinking to myself about what would this guy with fangs do to a defenseless woman? After Google and surfing the net last night, I came up with a lot of things. According to my husband, I need help.

What were my ideas you ask? How about metal walls that you can just pray down after the play time is over? Maybe a drain at the bottom of the floor so all the messy stuff has a place to go? I am thinking that this is great and run with it. I am telling my husband about it tonight and asking his opinion. I was doing dishes at the time so I didn’t see his face. He is quiet so I just thought he was thinking about it until he tells me that I need help.
“Help?” I ask him.
“Oh ya. You need mental help.” The look on his face was priceless too.

So what am I going to do now? I am going to keep going because his reaction is just what I wanted. I can’t wait to his face for the next part. *evil laugh*

Happy Happy Joy Joy!!!

Today was back to school time and I have never been so happy or excited to see my son off to school. After two weeks of Christmas Vacation, it was so time for him to go.

The first few days of vacation were nice. My younger daughter thought it was great to have her older brother home to play with. That lasted for maybe a day.

As it got closer to Christmas, the more the kids got twitchy. You know where they can't concentrate on one thing and all they do is bug you about want they want. What did you get me? Where are the presents? When do we get to open them? On and on and on....

Did I also mention that the hubby was home for the two weeks too? I was lucky and got rid of him on the 2nd. I love him, really I do but it is nice to watch him go. You know absence makes the heart grow fonder?? Yup, I love that!

Christmas day came and all the presents are being torn open so fast that they don't even know who they are from or even care for that matter. They play with their toys in perfect harmony for a few hours and then the trouble begins. "Mom, Megan wont leave me alone." Alex yells from him room. "Mom, Alex hit me." Megan screams a few seconds afterwards. And that is how the rest of the vacation goes.

Now being the easy going mommy that I am, I don't put them on Ebay like I want to. I figure I could get a two for one for them. For some reason my mother talks me out of it. Hey, she wouldn't even bid on them so I don't understand her.

This past weekend I am thinking to myself that on Monday it will be all better and I can have my routine back. If you know me, you know that my life revolves around routines. You mess it up and I am a raging hormonal mess. So Sunday comes and Hubby and I are talking about Alex going back to school. He brings up that he doesn't go back until Tuesday. I say no it's Monday (please don't take my dream away!!). We check the Internet and the school vacation list. The hubby is right. So I got to have a extra day of him at home, picking on his sister, being a hyper, cranky 9 year old.

So this morning when I walk him to the door to catch the bus, I feel it is okay for me to a little jump in my step. Hell, I woke right up this morning ready to go. So for all the stay at home moms and dads, Cheers to making it through yet another loooooong school vacation.